


Spinning Into You

by Camerahead12



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AO3 FB Challenge, Alternate Universe - High School, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Carnival, Fluff, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-07-01 18:48:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15779964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Camerahead12/pseuds/Camerahead12
Summary: After seeing Sammy's face completely crumble as they locked themselves in their bedroom, Dean decided to give his brother a night to remember. He knew he would pay for sneaking them out of the house, and stealing a few bucks, but the look on his brothers face as they walked up the carnival was worth everything. Every kid deserves to have those kind of happy memories, damn the consequences for his actions.





	Spinning Into You

**Author's Note:**

> Loves, I'm going to be honest with you. When I saw that there was a picture challenge, I browsed a few of the photos and didn't really see any that spoke to me. A few days went along, and I kept going back and staring at this one.. The next thing I knew, words happened.
> 
> Also, shout out to my UK wife, JenSpinner. She seriously took care of some editing issues I was having a mild panic attack over. Much love, always. Xx
> 
> Well, let's light this candle! I hope you all enjoy this little piece as much as I loved writing it!

 Dean sticks his hands on his pockets, staring up at the giant Ferris Wheel in front of him. The bright, colorful lights blink on and off almost blinding him with the brightness. He hears his little brother babbling on about how and when Ferris Wheel’s were created. His eyes travel up the metal and bolts holding the thing together. Higher and higher over the spinning wheel of death, as his stomach begins regretting the corn dog he and Sammy had split for dinner earlier.

 Whoever thought containing yourself in a metal death trap just to go higher and higher in a huge ass circle was a complete idiot. Especially one that is able to be taken down within a few minutes by just a couple of workers. Who in their right mind thinks being up stupid high is fun? The whole damn thing could lose a bolt and take you down with it. Dean shudders at the thought, and glances back down to Sam.

 Sam is looking through the walking crowds, waving and calling to a scared looking kid. The poor kid looks like this is the last place he wants to be on a Friday night. Weird. Dean thought all kids loved places like this.

 “Dean! It’s the new kid from school I was telling you about. The one that thinks he's so smart.” Sam scrunches up his nose like it could be impossible someone could know more than him. Nerd. “Can I go say hi to Kevin?” Sam asks, turning and looking up at him. His brown hair flops over his attempt to give Dean sad puppy dog eyes. He really needs to remember to cut the kids hair.

 “Sure punk. Let's see the kid who knows more than your walking dictionary butt.” Dean glances over at the scrawny looking kid practically hiding behind his mother, now.

 “Dude, I'm not going with my brother! That's totally not cool.” Sam huffs, crossing his arms trying to act more mature.

  Dean tries to hide the smirk spreading across his face. It's kind of cute Sam still has that innocent thought where everything in the world is good and no monsters roam the streets. He swears it was just yesterday Sammy would beg Dean to walk him to his classrooms, so the world would know who his cool, bad, big brother was. “I'm not letting my kid brother walk around the carnival by himself.”

 “I'm not walking around the carnival by myself! I'm just going over to say hi!” Sam glares up at him.

 Dean sighs, looking back over at the kid staring back at them with wide eyes. His mother seems to be lecturing him about something, but by the looks of it Kevin isn't really paying attention. Sighing again, Dean looks down at Sam who is straightening his back up, trying to make himself look taller, and older. That’s adorable. Like the little squirt would ever be taller than him.

 Dean lets out a bark of laughter, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah, whatever, fine, mister too-cool-for-your-big-brother. But don’t even think about going wandering anywhere else! I’ll be watching you the whole time. Dad would kick my ass if you got lost.”

   Sam lets out a loud whoop, and starts running towards his friend, yelling, “Thanks Dean! You’re the best!” behind him.

  Dean watches the mop of brown hair bounce and weave through groups of people walking. Somewhere above him, a group of kids scream and laugh from one of their carriages. Dean glances up at one of the Ferris Wheel seats swinging back and forth too fast for his liking. 

 Dean debates moving somewhere away from the metal bucket of doom, but he doesn’t want to confuse Sam on changing locations. He glances over at where Sammy’s friend and mother were, and freezes. The spot is empty.

 Dean is just beginning to have a full blown panic attack, when he hears a “Dean!” somewhere off to the side of him.

 “Dean! Mrs. Tran wants to meet you!” Sam exclaims, running up at him, face glowing with excitement.

 “Decided to introduce her to your big brother after all, huh?” Dean smirks down at him, bumping him with his hip.

 “Whatever, jerk. Don’t be weird.” Sam brushes the hair out of his face, and waves over at the boy and his mother approaching slowly.

 “Speak for yourself, bitch. I’m the cool one.” Despite his cocky attitude, the look the mother is giving him suddenly makes him rethinking all of his life choices in a very quick life-flashing-before-your-eyes kind of way.

 Dean runs his hands over his shirt, suddenly very aware of all the wrinkles and how dirty it is. Mrs. Tran reaches them, looking Dean up and down very slowly. Even though he practically towers over the smaller lady, he feels very small standing in front of her. She raises an eyebrow at him, lips turned down in an almost disapproving frown.

 Dean holds out his hand, clearing his throat. “Dean Winchester, ma’am. Sammy’s brother.”

  “It’s Sam…” He hears the mop of brown hair mumble beside him.

 Mrs. Tran looks at his hand and slowly back up at his face. Dean’s fingers twitch as his hand remains awkwardly between them, untouched. It feels really hot, suddenly, and he knows his hand is growing sweaty. Right as he decides to lower it, the short, fragile looking lady grasps his hand and squeezes it, giving it a healthy shake.

 “Mrs. Tran. Kevin’s mother.” She places a hand on the wide eyed boys head. “He’s never been to a carnival before. So many bright lights and noises, I am afraid he doesn’t quite know what to do with himself.”

 Dean blinks at the lady. “First time at a carnival? Seriously? He’s Sammy’s age, right? Twelve?”

 Mrs. Tran looks back at him like he’s the biggest idiot in the world. “Studying is more important. Good grades, good education are important for the best future. None of this nonsense.” She jerks her head to the side.

 Dean opens his mouth to argue about the importance of being a kid, but something about the way she’s been holding his eye this whole time with her sharp, brown, hard eyes makes it close with a loud click of his teeth. There probably isn’t any way to make Kevin’s mom see the fun side of life at this point of her life. Hell if some punk ass kid wear his dad’s beat up leather jacket in sixty degree head is going to change her mind.

 “So, uh.” He coughs and looks down at Sam. “You going to take Kevin on any rides, then?”

 The mother narrows her eyes up at him like she is trying to figure something out. Dean shifts his feet, suddenly feeling very exposed and naked, regardless of his layers.

  “That is why I wanted to meet with you. Sam said you told him not to go off on his own.” She stares at him, almost accusing him with her eyes.

 “Um, yes ma’am.” Dean feels a trickle of sweat run down the side of his face. He knows it isn’t from the heat. “He’s only twelve, and doesn’t need to go off on his own. There’s, uh, bad sh- uh,stuff-people-out there.” Where the hell did his composer go?! He is never this much of an idiot.

 “I agree. Far too much going on in the world that poisons a child's mind.” She looks around at the bright lights and people. “Kevin needs a friend to go on rides with him. I would like Sam to go with us so my son will not feel afraid. His therapist says he needs to experience the carnival, so I need your brother to do that.”

 Dean can only stare at the little Asian lady in front of him. Mrs. Tan is purely straight to the reason of what she wants. No bullshit. It’s so rare; Dean honestly doesn’t know how to respond. She isn’t even asking for Sam; she is telling him. She literally commands the area she is present in, and owns everything like a boss. Something about that has Dean respecting this woman a lot.

 “Uh, I guess we can-”

 “No, no. I do not need you to go with the boys. They will go with me, and you can do,” She waves her hand around at the lights and rides around her. “Whatever it is you do.”

 Dean creases his forehead, glancing down at his brother. He doesn’t feel right leaving him with someone he doesn’t really know. He came to this stupid overpriced carnival for his little brother’s sake. It’s not like he is going to ride any of these rides. Especially by himself, thank you very much. He enjoys life.

 “Let me, um, just talk to Sammy for a second.” Dean grabs his brother’s arm, walking back with him a few feet.

 “Dude, I told you not to be weird!” Sam hisses at him, yanking his arm away, stopping a little past the Ferris Wheel, next to a funnel cake stand.

 “That lady is fucking intense, Sammy! You want to go hang out with that?” Dean glances behind Sam at the Tran’s. She is looking around, seemingly bored with life plastered all over her face.

 He shrugs. “She seems normal to me. You’re just being overprotective again. ‘Sides, I want to ride rides with someone who isn’t _afraid_ to go up more than two feet.”

 “Well, I think you might’ve picked someone worse than me to have a fun night out.” Dean grimaces at the black haired kid.

 Sam’s whole face instantly lights up. “So I can!? I can go with them? Please!”

 Dean tries to give a blank face, but his lips begin to edge with a smile. He’d do absolutely anything for this kid. He doubts he would ever tell him “no”. But that doesn’t mean he can’t pretend like he has a little self restraint.

 “I dunno, Sammy. Seems like a pretty shit situation. I think you might have more fun with me.” He winks at him.

 Sam rolls his eyes, brushing strands of hair from his sweaty face. “You’re so full of it.”

 Dean chuckles, reaching into his back pocket to take out his wallet. “This is all I got. Don’t go blowing it on those rigged games.” He reaches in, pulling out the twenty. “Stay with Kevin’s mom the whole time, and I’ll meet you at the entrance when you’re done.”

 Sam snatches the money from his hands, stuffing it in his pocket. He turns to bolt off, but pauses. “You’re just going to wait at the entrance?”

 Dean shrugs. “This place is lame.”

 Sam’s eyes search Dean’s face for a moment. Dean tries to look as bored as he can, knowing he is doing a half assed job of it. After a few seconds, Sam huffs out a frustrated breath.

 “Thanks, Dean.” The kid glances back up at him, quickly. “For, ya know, being kinda cool and not so lame tonight.”

 Dean feels his cheeks warm a little, and shakes his head. “Go. Get out of here before I change my mind, bitch.”

 “Jerk!” Sammy yells, running back to the Tran’s.

 Dean watches them as they walk off, merging into a stream of people headed towards the more “vanilla” rides. Dean sighs, sticking his hands into the jacket pockets.

 He walks past groups of people laughing together, kids screaming in excitement about the next ride, and parents with their phones out taking pictures. The lights from the rides and stands flicker over all their faces in making all of them seem otherworldly. Laughter and screams of joy bounce fade in and out as rides dip and rise, bob and weave.

Dean hugs the jacket closer to his body feeling very out of place. Despite the temperature growing steadily cooler every day, it is still probably too warm to be wearing his father's leather jacket (if the sweat trickling down his back is any indication). It makes him feel older, more untouchable. Tonight, since he was already in deep enough trouble as it was, he decided to go full rebel and take his father’s coat that he’s wanted for years.

 He reaches the end of the lights and noises after having to shove his way past a group of popular seniors he recognizes from school. The lights and noises begin to fade into muffled, faint screams and twinkling colors. Some random worker yells out to him about tossing rings, and being a winner every time. Dean ignores the man and beelines it straight to a large maple tree at the edge of the gravel parking area.

 Lawrence isn't exactly what you call a big town, but everyone within a fifty mile radius seems to be here tonight. _Everyone but Dad_. He thinks, shaking his head.

 His dad was probably still passed out on the couch where he's been since they got home from school. After tiptoeing around the whole day, just like any other day, Dean finally decided Sam needed a little getaway. The carnival had been in town for almost a week, but tonight was the last night it’d be open. Sam hadn’t mentioned it once, but Dean could see the sad look in his eyes when they passed people talking about it. Sam didn’t deserve to lock himself away in their room, studying for endless hours. The kid worked hard at everything, and deserved a little bit fun.

  That thought decided it for Dean. He wouldn’t let his deadbeat dad ruin Sammy’s childhood. He would give the kid a fun night, even if he knew the consequences that would probably happen after their dad woke up and found them gone.

  They snuck out (after Dean took twenty-five bucks from his dad's wallet that was lying on the table) and ran through the town, laughing like idiots; drunk on the rare, sudden burst of freedom. The carnival was on the outskirts of town; set up on some random flat stretch of open ground Dean thinks is used as soccer fields during the spring (it would explain the gravel parking area, at least). It had taken them almost an hour just to walk there, and the sun was almost all the way down. When Dean looked over at his brother the look on his face was totally worth everything. It was pure, childlike innocent, full joy. His wide, dopey smile stretched so far Dean wondered if his face hurt.

  Dean used the five from the stolen money to buy them an overpriced corn dog to share for dinner. The greasy, slightly burnt looking food felt like the most amazing meal he’d had in years. In all honesty, it probably was. It wasn’t Spaghetti-O’s, or some other canned substance masquerading to be food.

  He leans against the tree watching the lights of the rides, food strands, and games twinkle in front of him. A smile twitches at the corners of his lips knowing Sam is having the time of his life right now, even if it isn’t with him. The kid finally gets to let loose, and have his own stories to tell with his friends at school.

  The sound of footsteps over the gravel makes Dean jerk up straight. The steps grow closer to where he’s leaning against the tree, and he spins around on instinct, ready for a fight. The boy stumbles to a stop and looks up at Dean with wide, scared blue eyes.

  “I-I’m sorry.” The boy studders. “I didn’t-please, I just-“

  “Whoa, whoa.” Dean realizes how he must look, and brings his hands up trying to calm the boy down. “Ya just startled me a little. Sorry.”

  The boy tilts his head at Dean, and stares. Somewhere in Dean’s mind it has a flicker of recognition to that movement. One of his classes-Math, he thinks- a quiet kid with ridiculous bed hair that he’s never once seen tame does that same thing. Come to think of it, he’s never heard the kid talk before. He can’t be sure. He never much paid him any mind.

  Suddenly aware that the boy is still staring at him, Dean clears his throat rubbing the back of his neck. “So, uh, going to ride some rides?”

  The boy keeps staring. Dean begins to wonder if maybe the kid didn’t hear him. Slowly, the boy lets out a sigh and shifts his feet, looking at the carnival behind him. Dean glances briefly over his shoulder at the lights.

  “I haven’t decided yet.” The words come out in a low, deep voice that doesn’t seem possible for a kid stuck in high school. Now Dean is stuck staring at the boy, wordless.

  The boy walks the rest of the space separating them, and Dean sucks in a breath. The flickering lights from the carnival behind them seem to make the kids vibrant blue eyes glow. It’s memorizing. Dean finds himself unable to look away, simply getting lost in the depth of them.

  “Mind if I sit beside you?” The boy asks, blinking and turning towards the tree.

  Dean blinks frantically trying to figure out what the heck just happened. He watches the boy sit underneath the tree, and stare at the carnival with an unreadable expression. Shaking his head and letting out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, he walks over to tree, and leans against it.

  He finds himself relaxing, regardless of the boy sitting beside him. It isn’t an uncomfortable silence, and Dean finds himself feeling very content in the moment. Far off screams, music, and some girls laughter seems like the perfect music for the moment.

  “Where’s your brother?”

  Dean’s head snaps down, and he narrows his eyes at the boy. The boy either remains unphased, or doesn’t consider him any real threat at this point. Still, how the hell does he know he has a brother? He doesn’t even know this guys name, let alone-

  “I’m sorry. That probably came off a little stalkerish.” The boy picks at a blade of grass in front of him, clearing his throat. “I, uh, always see you walking to school and home again. You even pick him up from friend’s houses. Seems like you two are close, is all.”

  “Dude, that’s not any better.” He rolls his eyes, slowly sinking down to the ground to join the boy. Any kid this awkward isn’t really any threat for him or Sammy.

  “You’re right.” The boy sighs. “I am not very good with the whole…” He waves his hand out in front of him. “People thing.”

  Dean snorts and nods. “You’re not doin’ that bad. But then again, I’m not exactly on anyone’s favorite list either.”

  The boy tilts his head, smiling tentatively at him. “Really? My brother says I’m too dense and incapable of making any friends.”

  Something inside Dean’s chest aches a little at those words. The kid seems nice enough he shouldn’t have any problem making friends. Sure Dean doesn’t really have any so-called friends, but that’s his own choice. He can’t afford to have any. Friends ask questions, or want to hang out. He has to take care of his drunk ass father, and make sure Sammy is fed and doing his homework.

  “Seriously? Sounds like an ass.” Dean flicks the piece of grass he pulls out. “You seem fine enough to me.”

  The boy looks down at his shoes crossed in front of him, and picks at his laces. “Thank you, Dean.”

  “So, uh…” He pretends to ignore the fact that his cheeks instantly heated up just hearing his name out of this kids mouth. Dean rubs the back of his neck, glancing at the boy and back at the carnival. “You know my name.”

  The boy glances back at him, then down at his shoes again. “We’ve been in a lot of classes together, over the years.”

  Huh. Doesn’t he seem like an ass now? He barely remembers this kid, yet he seems to know a whole hell of a lot about him. Dean’s face begins to heat up even more, this time from embarrassment of not knowing the nice kids name.

  “Castiel, by the way.” The boy mumbles so quietly Dean wonders how he caught it. “It’s okay that you didn’t know it.”

  Hearing the name nudges something inside his brain. It’s on the tip of his tongue, but he can’t quite grasp it. Dean shrugs it away, and rolls the name over in his head. _Cas-tee-el._ That’s a mouthful.

  “I’m gunna call you Cas.” Dean states. He flicks another blade of grass, trying to ignore Castiel staring at him again. “What’s stopping you from going in?”

  Castiel stiffens, face going blank, and looks out at the carnival. Dean wishes he could take it back. Whatever it is stopping him from entering the chaos seems like something bad. And he is the moron reminding him of it. _Way to go Winchester._

  Dean is about ready to apologize, and tell him to forget it when Castiel speaks. “My mother took me every year.”

  The gears in Dean’s head click together, and that nudge he was feeling pushes him right over into understanding. Castiel’s mother died last year over Christmas break. It had been whispered throughout the hallways at school, which is the only reason Dean knew overheard anything about it. The people weren’t exactly subtle about who was around when talking about it.

 He jolts up straight. If Dean had managed to overhear random nobody’s talking about it, Castiel had to have heard the same. Over and over again, reminding him that his own mother was dead. A sharp pain begins to throb in his chest, and his fingers twitch wanting to rub at it.

  “We would ride the swings that spin in a circle, and she’d make her chair bump into mine. The workers would stop the ride and scold her every year.” Castiel’s eyes stay locked on the twinkling lights in front of him, a small smile ghosting his lips at the memories. “She and I would ride the Ferris Wheel last. It always stopped at the very top, every year. She’d have me spread my arms just like her, and we’d pretend we were flying…” A small, shaky laugh pulls at something inside Dean. He wonders if anyone has ever heard what he’s hearing right now.

  “She sounds like a great mom.” Dean kicks himself immediately. So fucking stupid.

  Castiel turns to look at him with, and Dean lets out a small sigh thankful that Cas is still smiling. Then Dean sees the tears falling down his face.

  “She was.” He says rubbing the back of his hand over his face.

  Dean wonders when the last time someone wrapped him up in a decent hug. His brother sounds like an ass, which means his dad is more than likely an ass. That just makes the urge to hug Castiel even stronger. He knows exactly what it’s like to lose a mother. That shit is something you never get over. It’s a pain that only really dulls every blood moon-if even then.

  Castiel sniffles and looks down at the ground again, his smiling slowly fading. Dean watches as a tear drops off his nose and land somewhere on Castiel’s shoe, and that’s what breaks something inside him. He decides to say “fuck it” about barely knowing the kid, and just finding out his name a few minutes before. Dean leans over, awkwardly wrapping his arms around Castiel’s shoulders.

  He feels Castiel’s body instantly stiffen, and freezes. Shit. He screwed up again. He did something stupid, just like he always does. Just as Dean is about ready to let go and back away, Castiel’s whole body sinks into his arms.

  At the angle they are sitting, Dean has Castiel’s arms pinned to his side and just holds him close to his body. They sit there, in a few minutes of comfortable silence before Castiel lets out a slow, shaky breath. Dean pulls back slowly, face instantly heating up.

  “Um, sorry about that, but, uh, you really looked like you need a hug. And I know that-“

  “Thank you, Dean. It was very nice.” Castiel whispers, smiling up at him.

  “S’whatever.” Dean clears his throat, looking at the ground.

  After a beat of silence, Castiel turns his body to face Dean. “I thought I would ride the Ferris Wheel…” His voice breaks a little, and he pauses to clear it. “In a sort of remembrance to her…Maybe it’s stupid, silly really, but I feel like if I was up that high maybe flying would put me closer to her.”

  Dean’s heart starts hammering in his chest at the mention of the Ferris Wheel. He knows what Castiel is going to ask, and he doesn’t think he has it in him to turn him down. Not after all the shit he seems to have going inside. That would be a dick move, and as big of a dick he puts himself out there to be, this feels like some sort of line he isn’t really willing to cross.

  Castiel’s face falls, as he looks down. “It looks as if I might have to try again next year.”

  He looks like someone just snuffed the light out from his world. Well, that’s pretty much what happened. It hasn’t even been a full year; of course, he’s still going to be carrying that weight around. Dean tries to swallow, but all the moisture seems to have gone away. He pulls at the collar of his shirt which suddenly feels too tight against his throat.

  “I, uh…” Dean coughs, and tries to swallow again only managing to feel like he’s choking. “I could, ya know, go with you, or whatever.”

  Castiel slowly looks up at him like Dean just hung the moon. The intensity of his eyes makes Dean blush deeper than he thinks he ever has before. Like watching the sunrise, Castiel’s face seems to brighten as a smile spreads.

  “Really? You’d do that with me?” Castiel asks, leaning forward.

  Well, he can’t back out now.

  Maybe he’d get lucky and pass out right as they strapped him into the Ferris Wheel. He could be physically there for Castiel, but totally not be conscious for the hundreds of feet he’d be up in the air. His mind instantly starts trying to remember if he’s ever seen any of the kids being strapped in. They have to have a seatbelt or something, right? It would be child endangerment if they just threw young kids in there with a measly metal bar holding you back from falling out.

  “Dean?” Castiel’s voice snaps him back from his slight panic attack.

  Afraid his voice might betray him, he gives a small nod. Castiel’s face slowly lights up like Dean just parted the heavens. His smile spreads across his face so quickly, Dean almost gets whiplash from the sudden change of emotions. Castiel’s whole body is radiating happiness he is practically glowing.

  Castiel quickly stands, looking back and forth between the carnival and Dean. “Ready to go?”

  Dean stupidly blinks up at him, trying to get his mind to catch up with current events. He pushes off the ground and stands beside Castiel as it all finally sets in.

  Holy shit. He’s going to do this. He’s going to be a million feet in the air, without anything to catch him if he falls out. And he is going to do this for some kid he just met a few minutes ago, when he’s never even done this for his little brother. What the actual fuck is wrong with him?

  Castiel tugs on Dean’s jacket glancing at the blur of lights in front of them. Dean’s feet move on autopilot, and he falls in line beside Castiel. He glances at the boy walking beside him, and grins a little to see him practically skipping beside him.

  And he made that happen. He gave someone that much happiness just because he said he’d go on a ride with him.

  Dean stops walking and freezes in horror. He gave all the money he had to Sammy to ride rides. He has no way to ride anything with Castiel.

  After a few steps, Castiel notices Dean isn’t beside, and turns around looking at him curiously. Dean would think it was kind of cute if he wasn’t internally panicking on how he was going to let the guy down. Shit, he is the worst kind of person. What kind of an asshole builds someone up just to crush them back down further than where they already were?

  “Uh, Dean, listen. If you are having second thoughts we can…” Castiel fiddles with the hem of his shirt as Dean watches the glow of happiness steadily fading away.

  “I gave the rest of my money to Sammy to ride some rides with his friend.” Dean spits out, running a hand through his hair. “I am a total asshole for just remembering, Cas. It’s a real dick move to tell you I’d go on the ride with you, and then back out. I didn’t mean to-“

  “I can pay for you.” Castiel’s interrupts, smiling tentatively at him. “If you still wanted to, of course. I don’t want you to feel like-“ His eyes go impossibly wide and he backs up a few steps. “I made you feel like you have to do this because of my mom! Oh Dean, please! I don’t want you to pity me, and feel like you have to-“

  “Cas, man, slow down.” Dean walks up to him and places a hand on his shoulder. “I want to be there for you. I get missing your mom, trust me I do. I’d do anything if I could feel her again.” He coughs, dropping his hand. “I just really did forget I gave my brother all the money.”

  Castiel’s eyes search his for a long moment. Dean can’t help but feel exposed at the deep stare. If it was at all possible, Dean swears those icy blue eyes are peering into his soul. He wonders what Castiel is trying to see. He probably wouldn’t like what he finds if he really could look inside him.

  Castiel blinks, eyes flicking away from Dean’s. “My offer to pay still stands.” He whispers.

  To say he was torn would be an understatement. On the one hand, Dean wants to be there for Castiel and give him a night worth remembering for his mother. On the other hand, another person paying for him when he was the one who was supposed to be taking care of Cas makes him twitch. Dean wants to be there for him, but Castiel paying for him seems…wrong somehow. Like he'd owe him something.

  “I…don’t want you to have to pay for me, Cas.” Dean mutters, looking at the ground sheepishly.

  “Think of it as a loan, then. Maybe you can pay me back by paying for me next year.” Castiel replies.

  Dean blinks up at the boy. He knew what Castiel was doing. The chance of them even still talking beyond this night was slim to none. Everyone leaves him. Dean doesn’t have friends. He cannot afford to get that close to anyone, anyway. It’s not the best route to play with the boy's hopes, emotions or whatever, but it is the only way Castiel is going to get the night he needs to remember his mother properly.

  “You got a deal, then.” Dean smirks taking a few steps forward.

  Castiel’s face lights up again as they walk the rest of the way to the ticket booth. They stand in a line behind four people in comfortable silence. Castiel is looking around and taking in the craziness around him well enough. If Dean didn’t know better, the boy seems to be siphoning all the cheerful energy making him buzz with it. Dean is really just impressed with himself for just being able to hold it together well that Cas hasn’t seen the anxiety building up inside him.

  Finally they reach the front, and Castiel puts down a twenty and asks for as many tickets it will give him. They hand him six tickets and two dollar back. Castiel holds the strip of tickets up to Dean and laughs like a little kid. Dean cannot help but smile back at Castiel when his nose scrunches up. It has to be the most pure, unfiltered state of happiness he’s ever seen somebody be. It’s damn right addicting.

  “We have enough to ride two rides!” He laughs, grabbing the edge of the leather jacket. “Want to do the swings first?”

  Dean’s anxiety rises to the surface, after momentarily being forgotten. He manages a slight nod, refusing to let his fear stifle any of Castiel’s happiness. Castiel pulls on the jacket, leading Dean through hundreds of different faces mixing together. He swears the music from the rides, and voices from the people increases somehow while they’re walking. Dean fights back the urge to flinch at the muchness of it all.

  “There it is! There’s hardly any line.” Castiel exclaims, dropping his hand away from Dean.

  The leather where Castiel was holding onto brushes up against Dean’s skin, and he swears warmth radiates from it. He pulls the sleeve closer to his skin, silently enjoying the small comfort it’s giving him. He will exam the reason behind why he finds it a comfort the day after never, thanks.

  “Awesome.” Dean says, voice breaking a little.

  Castiel runs ahead the short distance, and looks back at Dean excitedly. Dean follows him slowly to the line. He won’t actually admit it out loud, but Castiel’s carefree attitude is actually working on keeping his nerves in line.

  Dean stares at the back of Castiel’s head, grinning at how his hair is standing up this way and that. Looks almost like sex hair. “How are you doing?” Castiel’s voice trickles back to him.

  “I’m good.” Dean lies, focusing in on the slight curls of Castiel’s hair on the nape of his neck. “How ‘bout you?”

  Castiel hums for a minute, or maybe he can’t hear the reply. All Dean is really focusing on at the moment is the workers are opening the flimsy little gate, accepting tickets the kids are holding out, and lets their small line through. His feet follow Castiel as his whole rational functioning thought process shuts down.

  He is actually going to do this. Spin around on a stupid, unstable, damn swing. This is it. This is how he dies.

  Castiel walks up to a seemingly random metal swing, and plops down on it. He immediately pulls down the bar and straps himself in. Dean stares at the swing slightly behind his, and gulps. This is it. He can fucking do this. He has to do this.

  He walks over to the faded blue swing, and slowly sets himself down. He reaches up and grabs the metal bar pulling it down. Dean realizes his hands are ridiculously sweaty as they slide across the bar. Gross. He rubs them on his jeans, cringing at the damp he can feel on his thighs. Dean looks down and reaches for the world’s smallest chain underneath him, and latches it onto the small circle connected to the handle bars. He does the same to the other side. Dean looks around his chair trying to find something else to ensure he won’t be flung out into the crowds, but sees nothing.

  That’s it?! Fucking spray painted twine to look like aluminum wrap for chains to keep him safe?! There is no way this is legal!

  Dean looks around at the other seats trying to see if maybe his is broken or something. From what he can see, they all must be fricken broken. This is how evolution works. You weed out the idiots dumb enough to go on a carnival ride without proper restraints.

  The ride jolts and Dean grabs onto the bar in front of him with a yelp. Slowly (and more smoothly) it begins to rise. Castiel turns around and yells something that he can’t quite make out with his blood pounding in his ears. Dean gives what he hopes is a nice smile, tightening his sweaty grip on the cold metal. As the ride starts to turn a little, Dean squeezes his eyes shut tight trying to convince himself he’s still on the ground, just on a really weird merry-go-round.

  The wind rushes past him, as peoples screams fade in and out as the ride picks up speed. Dean knows they must be fully up in the air by now, because the whole stupid ride just jerked in its climb, making the chains holding him up shake. He feels his swing slightly moving sideways as the air rushes past his face. His stomach turns unpleasantly, and he grips the cold metal tighter, desperately trying to fight off the urge to throw up.

  Deep laughter in front of him pulls him back to the reason he has gone completely insane and gotten on this ride. This isn’t about him. This is about Castiel, and being there for him. But that would actually require him to open his eyes, and honestly, he isn’t really quite sure on how he’d react.

  “Dean!” Castiel shouts. “Are you okay?”

  Shit. He is the worst kind of person. He is ruining what is suppose to be a good memory for Castiel. Dean knows he needs to pull it together. He probably looks like he feels, which isn’t a good thing.

Gritting his teeth, Dean forces his eyes open.

 

  Dean first sees the blur of the Ferris Wheel illuminated in blue lights flying past him. The fast air hitting his face makes his eyes sting and water, but he finds himself unable to look away at all the colorful lights and mixture of faces. It is all kind of…beautiful.

  “Dean!” Castiel calls again.

  Dean tares his gaze away from the colors, and turns to look at the boy in front of him. Castiel is slightly turned around in his seat, hair sticking up more than it already was. The lights from the ride seem to be making his blue eyes glow, again. Castiel’s whole face is staring at him with nothing but concern.

  A shaky smiles spread over Dean lips, and he lets out a small laugh. “M’fine Cas!”

  Castiel looks him over once more, nodding slightly, and turns around. He throws his hands up in the air and lets out a happy yell. A mixture fear for Cas because he isn’t hanging on to anything, and happiness fills his chest. It makes his smile grow bigger, and finds himself laughing despite his fear.

  They are practically sideways, spinning in a fast circle, swings dancing back and forth, and but the nausea is gone. Replacing it is a warm feeling he’s not entirely sure what it is. He lets out his own happy yell, and tips his head back, enjoying the feeling of air washing over him.

  Slowly, the ride jolts and begins to slow, bringing them closer to the ground. As Dean’s feet touch the earth, he unclenches his fingers from the metal, groaning at how stiff and cramped they are. It takes a few seconds of flexing before they respond and move properly. Castiel has already unhooked himself, and runs over to him with a huge dopey grin over his face. With shaky fingers, he fumbles with his latches, pulling up the metal bar.

  “That wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.” Dean says, stumbling after Castiel through the exit.

  Castiel tilts his head at him. “Haven’t you been on it before?”

  Dean’s face instantly heats up against his chilled cheeks. The contrast of temperatures makes his skin tingle. “Uh, no.” He clears his throat and stuffs his hands in the pockets of the jacket. “Heights and I, uh, just kinda don’t mix.”

  Castiel’s eyes go impossibly wide again, and he stops abruptly. “I had no idea! Why didn’t you say something?”

  Dean chuckles and looks back at him. “Seriously, it’s no big deal.” Castiel narrows his eyes at him, not believing a word he has to say. “Like I said, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It was actually kind of fun.”

  “We don’t have to go on the-“

  “Cas, seriously.” Dean grabs his shoulder, making Castiel look at him. “It’s fine.” It is in no way fine. “I wouldn’t have agreed to this if it wasn’t fine.” That’s a lie. He would’ve done anything to make Castiel to help him feel better. If it means reliving memories with his mother, then he'd do it.

  Castiel searches his eyes again. It doesn’t feel as exposed as the last time, and Dean wonders if this is just a norm for his new friend. He finds it oddly comforting, in a strange way.

  Castiel finally looks away, grabbing the edge of the sleeve on the jacket. Silently, he pulls Dean forward to the line of the Ferris Wheel. All the adrenaline from the swing ride is slowly starting to seep out of him, leaving his stomach flip-flopping with nerves again. Dean feels sweat beginning to form on his forehead, and swallows dryly as he looks up at the massive spinning metal death trap.

  “Your brother seems to be enjoying himself.” Castiel says, nodding in front of him.

  Dean looks over to where Castiel is looking, and sees Sammy laughing and smiling so wide Dean’s own face hurts just seeing it. His brother is holding a plate that looks like nothing but powdered sugar (so he assumes it’s has to be a funnel cake). Sammy is laughing as Kevin tries to wipe the white powder from his nose, but missing it completely. Mrs. Tran stands beside them, a faint smile on her lips. Huh. The lady does have some humor in her, after all.

  “I haven’t seen him smile like that in a long time.” Dean whispers, watching Sam pinch off some of the sugar and flick it on Kevin. Kevin’s face actually breaks up into a smile, and he the once terrified kid, laughs.

  “The carnival does that to you. It takes away all the bad, and lets you forget awhile.” Castiel says wistfully.

  Dean looks away from his brother, glancing at Castiel. He is still looking at the boys with a faint smile on his lips, as if remembering some fond memory himself. Dean flexes his slightly stiff fingers, and freezes as the tips of his fingertips brush over something warm. He looks down to see Castiel still holding onto the edge of his sleeve, his own fingertips barely brushing his palm.

  His eyes slowly raise from Castiel’s hand, up his somewhat muscular arm, along his tanned neck, brushing past his pink lips, flickering to his slightly reddened cheeks, and meeting Castiel’s stare. Dean’s eyes catch the movement of Castiel’s tongue wetting his, and mimics the movement.

  “You boys getting on?” A gruff voice yells.

  Castiel jumps, letting go of Dean’s sleeve and rushing forward to hand the man their tickets. Dean stumbles after him, trying to figure out what the hell just happened. Was he thinking about kissing him? He wasn’t gay, last time he checked. Pretty sure he liked boobs, curves, and all that came with it. The heat radiating from his face, and the tingling feeling in his fingertips feels like he is trying to tell him that might not be entirely true.

  Castiel sits down first on the seat barely made for two. Dean swallows loudly, forcing his body to move to sit down next to him. The seat sways back and forth as Dean squeezes in tightly next to Castiel, as the worker lowers the metal bar that gives a loud click as it locks. For good measure, the worker shakes it just to make sure it doesn’t pop free and nods to himself as it stays secure.

  The worker goes back to his buttons, pressing something to make the ride gently rock into motion. Dean instantly goes to grip the metal bar. Castiel sighs, and lets his arms lay gently across it. Damnit, he’s screwing up again. He’s supposed to be fine with all of this. He can’t show Castiel how horribly he’s freaking out.

  Slowly, Dean loosens his fingers before they cramp, and looks over to his friend so he doesn’t have to focus on the steady climb. “How are you feeling?”

  Castiel glances at him out of the side of his eyes, keeping his head straightforward. “I’m fine, Dean. It’s probably me who should be asking you that.”

  Dean lets out a too loud laugh and forces a smile. “M’fine, Cas. This is about you, and I’m just along for the ride. Literally.”

  Castiel lets out a chuckle and turns towards him. “I am very grateful for that. Thank you, Dean.” He ducks his head. “I thought it would be harder, but being with you has somehow taken away some of the sadness.”

  Dean looks down at their almost touching elbows, blushing again. Damn it, seriously. What is wrong with him? “I’m glad. You’re a good person. Don’t deserve to be sad.”

  Castiel glances over at him, keeping his body facing forward. They sit in comfortable silence for a full circle, and Dean slowly relaxes into the slight rock of the seat. He hasn’t managed to look out to see how high up they are.

  The ride slowly sputters to a stop. A quick glance in front of him tells him they are a stop or two from the very top. He doesn’t want to focus that hard to figure out exactly how much. He feels Castiel’s body tense beside him. His body acts on its own, leaning into him offering warmth and support. Dean feels Castiel’s body slowly loosen, leaning against him. Castiel warm breath brushes over Dean’s face as Castiel lets out a sigh. Dean looks up, away from where he’d let his vision go out of focus, suddenly aware of how close their faces really are 

  The ride jerks forward and quickly stops again, making their seat rock back and forth with more force. Dean barely notices, though, his eyes only focusing on Castiel’s face and how the warmth from their breaths are meeting each other. Dean moves his leg slightly, rubbing slightly against Castiel’s leg. He feels the boy shiver, and his fingers twitch to wrap his arms around him to keep him warm.

  “Will you fly with me, Dean?” Castiel whispers, eyes doing that searching thing again.

  Without a second thought or hesitation Dean replies, “Teach me how.”

  Castiel’s fingers slowly slip in-between Dean’s as the ride move forward again, then stopping with another jerk. “Ready?”

  Dean nods, and Castiel looks forward again, raising their arms in the sky. Dean watches as Cas’s eyes fall closed, and he tips his head back. He looks completely relaxed...free. Dean turns his body slowly, gasping as he realizes how high they really are. Even though it’s dark out, he can make out certain areas around the carnival. The people look like little ants scurrying around. He can see the gravel parking lot from here, and the tree he was at before he met Cas.

  Wonderment of everything around him, mixed in a twinge of fear pumps his adrenaline into full force. He slowly raises his right arm up, and tips his head back, closing his eyes. Castiel’s fingers squeeze his hand, and Dean cannot help the smile spreading over his face. The ride begins to move again, and Dean swears this must be what flying is really like.

  He feels Castiel slowly lowering their joined hands, and he lowers his head, eyes blinking open. Castiel is staring at him, head tilted, with a fond smile. Dean lowers his free hand and grins at him.

  “I kinda like flying with you,” Dean mumbles, looking at their joined hands.

  Castiel's eyes crinkle as his smile spreads, and Dean knows he’s never seen anything more adorable in his life. He instantly knows that with every piece of him, he always wants to see Cas that happy. “I like flying with you too, Dean.”

  The ride stops at the bottom, letting them off. Castiel gets off first, pulling Dean up with their still joined hands.

  “You rode the Ferris Wheel!? Seriously!” Sam exclaims, popping out of nowhere. Dean laughs as he sees his brother running up to him, face speckled with white powder. Sammy looks happy. He looks like a kid the age of twelve should look.

  Castiel squeezes his hand slightly, and Dean glances at the boy as butterflies flutter in his stomach. This time he knows it isn’t from fear.

   They are going to have to leave and head home at some point, but for now… For now, everything is perfect. If Dean could capture this moment and freeze time for just a few heartbeats, he knows he could be perfectly content living like this.

  But that isn’t possible, and time will continue moving. At some point, he and Sammy are going to have to walk back home, and Dean is going to have to pay for everything he’s done. Dean pushes the thoughts away, and focuses on the tingling of Castiel’s and his hands holding each other. He listens to Sammy and Castiel talking and laughing like old friends beside him. Dean smiles as he watches the once terrified Kevin laughing easily at something his mother said, standing completely alone without her strength to support him. He huffs a laugh as humor can be plainly seen dancing in Mrs. Tran’s eyes, as he tries to hold back a smile.

  _This_ , Dean thinks, is a memory he will always cherish. This is what it’s like to be happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos give me a high! 
> 
> Thank you for going on this amazing little journey with me. It was fun. <3  
> Let me know what you think!


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